Jeff Carl.
September 15, 2006
  "You ask about the future. I say this is where I wanna be." "Until now, I never touched an angel.
Until now, everything was fine.
Until now, I felt so ordinary.
Until now, I never knew that someone felt like me.
It didn't even feel like me.
I'm in the mood for searching." -IVER

Lately, I've had such a feeling of......
Well, see that's just it. There's no word I believe that can describe it.
What can I say? I'm a 16 year old with eyes the size of the world.
I'm nieve, young, and spirited, hopelessly following a silly dream.

See, I want to believe in my dreams, but a part of me is watered down, or I guess you could say brought back to reality, by the world. The world expects nothing from teenagers. We're looked down upon. We're told that there's no way we're going to make it. We're told that one out of every ten million ever make it close to almost fulfilling their dream. I don't think I will come out and say just exactly what my dream is. I will save that for myself or some who I feel can know in person. It's just, something will happen to me that triggers those feelings of childish hope. My mind soars into a reality I think no other can call familiar. It is mine, and I'm almost embarassed for it. Why? Because I don't want the world to think that I am hopelessly believing in dreams. It's like fairytales. So many criticize fairytales, but deep down, I think we all have a longing for concepts suggested in those tales.

But then there's the part of me that doesn't care what the world thinks. I am an individual, and I can believe in myself. It doesn't matter what others think of me, because I can't let them tear me down.

But then in the end, I always come to the same conclusion. God knows best. It's hard, isn't it? to put everything into the hands of God? The selfish part of me thinks, God, if my dreams aren't in your will, then I don't like that, and I am going to follow them anyway. The other side of me knows, however, that in eternity, what will matter is God's will. God has given me blessings which can be taken away in a heartbeat. I need to surrender. I guess that's the key word through all of this. Surrendering ourselves to God. I guess in the end, our "dream" should be to surrender to God and follow his directions.

Whenever I try to put my thoughts down in words, by the end, I always seem to jumble everything all together. Sorry if what I said makes no sense. But nevertheless, I know what I said is real to me. I know that unexplainable feeling of hope for dreams becoming reality. I know the wonder. I know how I feel.

And maybe, just maybe, my dreams aren't so unrealistic after all.
And maybe, just maybe, I'm not.... alone.

Sincerely, Jeff.


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