Capture me. Please.
Well, folks... I'm an idiot. Just wanted to get that out there. I've just been stupid lately, and I'm sorry if anyone's been affected by it. These past couple weeks, or maybe even months, I have not done like any devotions, and my life has suffered for it.
It's like, I'm wondering why I've been feeling down, grumpy, confused, or whatever! No wonder. I haven't been in touch with God. The bad thing is that I think I was enjoying it for awhile. I was enjoying being free to feel what I wanted, but thinking back on it now, it's like, whenever I have a period of time that I just let my mind do whatever, I end up focusing on things that get me down. I'll think about love or feeling sad, and then I'm grumpy for the rest of the day. That's just one example. I'm sick of that though. I'm sick of feeling alone. I'm sick of feeling "free."
I'm not saying that being in a relationship with God takes away our freedom, but the Bible says that we are to be captive to his love. He captures us. So---it's not that when I'm close to God, I can't feel certain ways...It is just that he has his arms wrapped around me constantly, protecting me from falling. And I don't know why I've been so blind to that lately. God offers his protection. He offers his love. He offers his wisdom. He offers his guidance. He offers his grace. He offers his mercy. He offers his hand to grab when you're on the ground...
Why on earth would I want to live any other way? Why would I not want to be close to him? Why do I constantly fail him by betraying his love for me? I'm sick of this, and I'm not going to live like this anymore. I'm going to win. I'm going to rise. I'm going to charge.
And Satan, you better stop trying to get me down. Yeah, I'm weak, and you have your ways, but God is on my side. He's now me. He's my life. He's my mind. He's my arms, my legs, my head. With God, I am new, and you have no power. In His name, get out of my way, snake.
You see, I don't know what it is, but I think one of the most captivating, enchanting thoughts is the picture of Jesus just being there for you. There are two main pictures that come to mind when I think of this.
One is that he is just standing there for all of life here on earth, and he has his arms just open. His expression isn't a smile; its not a frown; it's not good or bad. He's just there, arms open, like a dad awaiting his son's arrival. Waiting for his son to realize that he's a protector, a guide, an answer. I just get this image of looking up to him from the ground, after just falling, and running up to him and just embracing him and having a feeling so indescribably wonderful and secure.
Two is that I picture being on the ground, fallen, and feeling such a gentle yet firm touch on the shoulder, looking up, seeing Jesus, and he just lifts you up. You see, one of the biggest impressions I get of God is security. He offers us his security. I don't necessarily mean physical security, although its possible, but mostly emotional, mental, and spiritual security. When we're feeling down, lonely, and in darkness, He is THERE always!
Ahh... I just... I can't comprehend him. I can't grasp his wonder. This is why I don't know why I've been running from him these past few months. I don't know why I've been avoiding being with him. I've jipped myself of his beauty, his presence, his majesty. I've tripped myself.
Well, God, please forgive me. Please help me up from this fall. Just hold me. Wipe my tears away. Let me live for you, and I'm sorry for failing you yet again. You've done so much for me, and you've offered me a relationship with you.... for free. And what do I do? I accept it, yes, but I treat it like dirt. I constantly drop you and spit in your face. I am embarassed to even think of looking in your eyes. I don't deserve you at all. I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve your love. Yet, you give me a second chance... and a third and fourth and fifth. Why? Who knows if we can ever understand, but thank you, God. Those two words will never be enough, but thank you for being there for me. For punishing me. For being my Dad. I love you, and I ask that you would help me be strong. Help me be disciplined. Help me defeat the wiles of the devil. Help me persevere. Help me charge. Help me strike. Help me defeat.
But, God, over all.... Capture me. Please. Just capture me.
Well, my dad finally got an updated antivirus software on our computer since our trial of Norton expired (since this is a new computer), and now that the thirty-three viruses found are gone, the computer is running prettttty snippity-dippity. So that's good.Also, a younger friend of mine has been into fashion drawings lately. She's soo talented. Anyways, I thought I'd take a random try at it, 'cause it looked pretty cool, and these were my lame attempts:
So yeah....laugh at me. Whatever, though. There are many guy designers. anyways, that's not the point. It was just fun to mess around with.
Soooo that was random.
Things are going well right now. School's been good, but let me just say without holding back at all:
I STINKING HATE FUNDRAISERS WITH A PASSION STRONG ENOUGH TO TURN THE WORLD THE OTHER DIRECTION!
Yup. I do.
On another note, I'm really excited for this weekend. Actually, note just this weekend, but the next couple of weekends. It is getting very close to the Battle of the Bands, which is going to be...just awesome (I hope). I'm nervous to sing in front of people, knowing I'm one of two singers. Yikes.
So things are goin' well.
1. Sorry for being stupid lately.
2. I had such a great day today.
-played piano for like a total of 5 hours today
-figured out a very important thing on my keyboard!!!!
-practiced Perilous Times
-made HUGE progress on my two new songs (This Alabi
and Jump With Me
-had a GREAT singing day.
-My range has upped a lot.
-confidence was good.
-Power was right on today
-dynamics were good today.
-On my song, Jump with Me, there's a part where I go falsetto,
which is risky, but I think it'll work.
-Actually did a lot of melody today while practicing for tomorrow's Praise Band Music
(enough that I would actually be confident singing them solo in front of the whole congregation)
I could go on, but I won't bore my readers.
I burned a new cd today too, which has a lot of my favorite songs on it, so that was exciting.
I got to talk to Hannah for awhile, which was very nice.
I like it that we can talk again...without arguing, blaming, or awkwardness.
Like I said, there's so much more. I've just been in a great mood today.-Jeff Carl
Sing it aloud, Sing it aloud.
SCREAM, shred your lungs
I need to hear you louder now
and sing as if you'll never sing again
and when the morning comes
and your throat is sore
you'll face the day like you did before
with a smile on in the end.
I want to hear you sing this song back to me
Across thousands of miles from home where I should be
And I miss you so badly, but I won't waste a simile
'cause you already know what you mean to me.
The difference between Chance and Risk.
Up or down?
Not even myself.
Let's see where this leads.
Count 1, 2, 3.
Count 1, 2, 3.
Jump with me.
And I will sing for you
A song so good you’ll doubt I wrote it
And I will dance for you
I won’t step on your toes