Jeff Carl.
October 25, 2006
  Capture me. Please. Well, folks... I'm an idiot. Just wanted to get that out there. I've just been stupid lately, and I'm sorry if anyone's been affected by it. These past couple weeks, or maybe even months, I have not done like any devotions, and my life has suffered for it.

It's like, I'm wondering why I've been feeling down, grumpy, confused, or whatever! No wonder. I haven't been in touch with God. The bad thing is that I think I was enjoying it for awhile. I was enjoying being free to feel what I wanted, but thinking back on it now, it's like, whenever I have a period of time that I just let my mind do whatever, I end up focusing on things that get me down. I'll think about love or feeling sad, and then I'm grumpy for the rest of the day. That's just one example. I'm sick of that though. I'm sick of feeling alone. I'm sick of feeling "free."

I'm not saying that being in a relationship with God takes away our freedom, but the Bible says that we are to be captive to his love. He captures us. So---it's not that when I'm close to God, I can't feel certain ways...It is just that he has his arms wrapped around me constantly, protecting me from falling. And I don't know why I've been so blind to that lately. God offers his protection. He offers his love. He offers his wisdom. He offers his guidance. He offers his grace. He offers his mercy. He offers his hand to grab when you're on the ground...

for free....

Why on earth would I want to live any other way? Why would I not want to be close to him? Why do I constantly fail him by betraying his love for me? I'm sick of this, and I'm not going to live like this anymore. I'm going to win. I'm going to rise. I'm going to charge.

And Satan, you better stop trying to get me down. Yeah, I'm weak, and you have your ways, but God is on my side. He's now me. He's my life. He's my mind. He's my arms, my legs, my head. With God, I am new, and you have no power. In His name, get out of my way, snake.

You see, I don't know what it is, but I think one of the most captivating, enchanting thoughts is the picture of Jesus just being there for you. There are two main pictures that come to mind when I think of this.

One is that he is just standing there for all of life here on earth, and he has his arms just open. His expression isn't a smile; its not a frown; it's not good or bad. He's just there, arms open, like a dad awaiting his son's arrival. Waiting for his son to realize that he's a protector, a guide, an answer. I just get this image of looking up to him from the ground, after just falling, and running up to him and just embracing him and having a feeling so indescribably wonderful and secure.

Two is that I picture being on the ground, fallen, and feeling such a gentle yet firm touch on the shoulder, looking up, seeing Jesus, and he just lifts you up. You see, one of the biggest impressions I get of God is security. He offers us his security. I don't necessarily mean physical security, although its possible, but mostly emotional, mental, and spiritual security. When we're feeling down, lonely, and in darkness, He is THERE always!

Ahh... I just... I can't comprehend him. I can't grasp his wonder. This is why I don't know why I've been running from him these past few months. I don't know why I've been avoiding being with him. I've jipped myself of his beauty, his presence, his majesty. I've tripped myself.

Well, God, please forgive me. Please help me up from this fall. Just hold me. Wipe my tears away. Let me live for you, and I'm sorry for failing you yet again. You've done so much for me, and you've offered me a relationship with you.... for free. And what do I do? I accept it, yes, but I treat it like dirt. I constantly drop you and spit in your face. I am embarassed to even think of looking in your eyes. I don't deserve you at all. I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve your love. Yet, you give me a second chance... and a third and fourth and fifth. Why? Who knows if we can ever understand, but thank you, God. Those two words will never be enough, but thank you for being there for me. For punishing me. For being my Dad. I love you, and I ask that you would help me be strong. Help me be disciplined. Help me defeat the wiles of the devil. Help me persevere. Help me charge. Help me strike. Help me defeat.

But, God, over all.... Capture me. Please. Just capture me. 
October 22, 2006
  Unfa--fath--mble--an unfathamably awesome weekend. So....Friday and Saturday were absolutely amazing. It was awesome getting to hang out with Sabrina again, and we practiced tons on Friday just us. I showed her my new song (This Allabi), and she really liked it. Then, on Saturday, we practiced more in the morning, then Gabe and Josh came over. We practiced with them for about three or four hours (although it went by really fast; it didn't even seem like that long).

Needless to say, the practice went really well. I, personally, think it was our best one yet. I'm really excited for the performance. I'm nervous too, though. Before my new song, I was only harmony, and now I have a song where I do solo stuff, so that'll be really fun, but I hope I do okay.

PERILOUS TIMES performing at Battle of the Bands!
November 4, 2006 / Nazareth College, Rochester.
Check out two of the songs right here.
((And we have three brand new songs as well))
Let me know if you're thinking of going. :)

I'm so excited.
"hardcore to the 10th power extreme" as Sabrina Gauer would say it.

-Jeff Carl.

"...So here's my allabi,
remember this right..." 
October 19, 2006
  The Choice. Speaking your mind.
Saving a friendship.

Which is more brave? 
October 17, 2006
  Time. Well, my dad finally got an updated antivirus software on our computer since our trial of Norton expired (since this is a new computer), and now that the thirty-three viruses found are gone, the computer is running prettttty snippity-dippity. So that's good.

Also, a younger friend of mine has been into fashion drawings lately. She's soo talented. Anyways, I thought I'd take a random try at it, 'cause it looked pretty cool, and these were my lame attempts:


So yeah....laugh at me. Whatever, though. There are many guy designers. anyways, that's not the point. It was just fun to mess around with.

Soooo that was random.

Things are going well right now. School's been good, but let me just say without holding back at all:


Yup. I do.

On another note, I'm really excited for this weekend. Actually, note just this weekend, but the next couple of weekends. It is getting very close to the Battle of the Bands, which is going to be...just awesome (I hope). I'm nervous to sing in front of people, knowing I'm one of two singers. Yikes.

So things are goin' well.

-Jeff Carl

October 14, 2006
  Swing Swing Hello everybody.

1. Sorry for being stupid lately.
2. I had such a great day today.
-played piano for like a total of 5 hours today
-figured out a very important thing on my keyboard!!!!
-practiced Perilous Times music
-made HUGE progress on my two new songs (This Alabi and Jump With Me)
-had a GREAT singing day.
-My range has upped a lot.
-confidence was good.
-Power was right on today
-dynamics were good today.
-On my song, Jump with Me, there's a part where I go falsetto,
which is risky, but I think it'll work.
-Actually did a lot of melody today while practicing for tomorrow's Praise Band Music
(enough that I would actually be confident singing them solo in front of the whole congregation)

I could go on, but I won't bore my readers.

I burned a new cd today too, which has a lot of my favorite songs on it, so that was exciting.

I got to talk to Hannah for awhile, which was very nice.
I like it that we can talk again...without arguing, blaming, or awkwardness.

Like I said, there's so much more. I've just been in a great mood today.

-Jeff Carl

Sing it aloud, Sing it aloud.

SCREAM, shred your lungs
I need to hear you louder now
and sing as if you'll never sing again
and when the morning comes
and your throat is sore
you'll face the day like you did before
with a smile on in the end.

I want to hear you sing this song back to me
Across thousands of miles from home where I should be
And I miss you so badly, but I won't waste a simile
'cause you already know what you mean to me. 
October 13, 2006
  The difference between Chance and Risk. I'm Spiraling.
Up or down?
Nobody knows-
Not even myself.
Let's see where this leads.
Count 1, 2, 3.
Count 1, 2, 3.
Jump with me.

And I will sing for you
A song so good you’ll doubt I wrote it
And I will dance for you
I won’t step on your toes 
October 12, 2006
  The sun is rising once again. Woooow. So I just talked to Amber on the phone, and man, she said every possible thing right. Especially, since we're going through like the same thing, so that's really cool too...

anyways, I'm much better. I am so encouraged and happy now.

I don't know why I was getting frustrated about all this anyways. I mean, I'm not saying everything's gone, 'cause it's not, but my perspective has just been totally turned around 180 degrees.

Life is so much easier this way.

So thanks, Amber.

And, it'd be really cool to go to that AFI concert, 'cause I miss Sabrina, and I want to hang out, annnd it'd just be really fun. I wonder if there's ANY possible way I can get there... I'll have to see.


in the secret
in the quiet place
in the stillness
You are there
in the secret
in the quiet hour i wait
only for You
cause i want to know You more
i want to know You
i want to hear Your voice
i want to know You more
i want to touch You
i want to see Your face
i want to know You more

such an old song, but man, the old ones are good. 
October 10, 2006
  how long must this last? i have a new song.
i really like it.

even though the topic isn't the best, i just like how it sounds. a LOT.


October 05, 2006
  arg In our family, there's always so much stress involved with leaving for a trip, and this is just a weekend vacation too. To Cleveland, Ohio to visit the grandparents. It never fails, though, honestly.... no matter what day we leave on, how much sleep people get, how prepared we are, there's so much stress involved. Every time. I'm not going to go into detail; it's just frustrating. haha.

I'm going to have time to think in the car.
I don't know if that's good or bad,
'cause lately... I've been thinking about a lot.
And to be honest, I don't know how I feel, really.
I think I'm just confusing myself more and more.
Oh well.
Like I said in my last post, I've just been in weird moods lately...grumpy, you know?
I miss people, I can't figure myself out, There's a lot of stress in the house, Not a lot of sleep,
Busy schedule (which I don't like), I don't know what else... it's just, certainly odd indeed.

But, God is in control. Maybe that's what I am learning through my mood lately.
My biggest struggle in my Christian walk is lack of time daily in God's Word.
I know that that is the food that feeds believers, and I know that I am hungry for it, thirsty for it, craving it,
because God can give me answers through it.... yet I refuse to be disciplined, and I can't keep blaming that on Satan.
I need to step up and do this on my own. I NEED to do my devos. I need to be more receptive to God. Maybe lately, I've just been thinking of God as too much of a powerful, controlling God. Not that he's not, but how often do I close my eyes, quiet my heart, and just say, "Hey, Dad. I love you."

I've been listening to hardcore Gospel music lately. As much as I love it, maybe that's what is making me go insane after a couple hours of listening to that stuff.

Anyways, this is my last update before we leave tomorrow after school. Sorry it was more of a low-key post, but I hope everyone has a great Colombus Day Weekend. I know lots of my college friends went home for the weekend, so enjoy you guys. I miss my college friends.

And I won't stop saying that, 'cause I do. I don't know why it's been so bad lately, but I miss them a lot. a lot.

-Jeff Carl 
October 03, 2006
  Just Some Thoughts From a Friend I miss somebody.
a lot.
a lot.

I wish I could drive.
I wish I could see her more often.
Because this stinks.

I need to go to bed early.
I'm tired, and I've been grumpy lately.
I know... shocker. Jeff Carl grumpy. Deal.

swallow hard. close your eyes. lasting impressions
colors dancing while you cry out for hope. flip the coin
forget your past. don’t lose your focus with a look of
grim determination etched into your face


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