Calm before the...
I write this with the greatest sense of my future that I've ever experienced... I mean, I don't know what the feeling is. I just don't know. I don't think anyone could explain it in words. It's just... sometimes I don't know whether to take my dreams seriousely. There are millions of people that probably have the same dream as I do, but I wonder just how many of them feel how I feel? I mean... EXACTLY how I feel. Why do I think that I could be different? That I could be the exception to the rules. Why do I feel the way I feel? I want to explode. I want to scream excitement. I want to go to the stars and back. I feel like I'm being held back. I wonder if anyone truly knows the me waiting to jump out of my body. I don't even know if I know that person... specifically the voice. I feel like I've hidden underneath this shell of fear and self-conscienceness. I swear, though, that right now I could stand on a stage in front of ten billion people and not care. I could truly let me out. I don't even know if I made sense with what I just said. I honestly don't care. I don't want people to read this and think anything, just in case they don't know what I'm talking about. Some of you probably think I'm weird. Some may think I'm vain. Please, though, don't think that if you don't know exactly what I'm talking about. I just want to be free from.... me. I want to be what GOD wants me to be. I want to not hold back. I want to simply be free and if it be God's will, follow my dream.
Wow. So this summer, it became official that we were moving to Florida. Exciting, but in the distance. I had the mindset of making the most of this summer, and I have.... but everything was always.... well in a month and a half we're leaving....in a month we're leaving....three weeks....one week.... now all of the sudden, it's here. Right now, it is very late Saturday night. We're leaving on Monday. Tomorrow, Sunday, is my last full day here. This surreal expectancy has now become a rock-hard reality.
It IS happening. Everything that has ever meant anything to me is back in the distance, whether I got in my car and drove home, away from it, or whether I stood in the road as it drove away from me for the last time. It just feels like so many chapters have all the sudden ended. The periods have been placed. The page has been turned. It's an empty page staring me in the face.
Future, here I come. God, I'm so glad you are with me. Thank you.
As always, Jeff.