To a beloved friend:
There's a girl named Maggie Nicholson, a friend who has been etched into my life. Why do I think she's amazing? Because this is what she brings out in me:
I asked her how she was doing, and this is what I got...
"it consists of living in the rainforest and listening to parrot calls and immense cricket orchestras at night. flowers the size of my fist in every color dangling from banana trees and tall green plants. waking up at 6 am every morning to do hard manual labor in the burning sun or pouring rain. discovering ancient lithic statues with their eyes closed and folded arms having been asleep for hundreds of years beneath the cobbles in the babbling riverbed. soon i will be back in new york. only a week here left! what does your life consist of? i miss you sincerely! ♥
So I filled her in on where I am, and this is what came out....
"That sounds fantastic. Your skill with language is second to none, and I'd be a fool to try to equal your vivid description. Simply put, I can say that I have been spiraling through this past year like none other, falling from the ladder that I've built myself my entire life. What's odd is that every time there is something to grasp onto to "save myself," I let it slip by, as there is something chilling and mysterious about living like this. Usually when one falls, their only goal is to get back up, but I've been mesmerized by the dust, blood, and broken boards on this floor that I've found. Even beyond that, I've met others like me, that have fallen already and some new people that have joined me along the way. Some get up, some stay down. I used to think there was a rush or a choice to be made, but I'm realizing it's not about who's figured what out. It's about this universal understanding that life is worth discovering. Let's look under every rock. Let's help one another out. Judge not. Fear not. We're all in this together. So let's drink to the view from the floor. Perhaps the day will come when each man and woman must face their ladder again. But until then, my blood will stain these broken boards beneath me.
As for Lynchburg, Virginia, where I presently reside, it's been a myriad of experiences. The blossom of friendships, the rise and fall of young emotions, new music, the collision of bodies on dance floors in dusty lofts in historical downtown, self-exploration, imperfections, and the digging for purpose and dreams.
The best part? I'm completely lost, which I'm finding is my favorite place to be, because any direction is forward.
Maggie Mae Nicholson, I miss you, and where is this place you speak of in your message? I have no idea where you are nowadays, but I know that I'd love for our paths to collide sometime soon."
Maggie, thank you for your magical ability to bring out my melody. It's been ages since I've thought like I did in my response to you. It's the kind of inspiration that I've been dreaming of, that I thought I had lost.
I've got soul, but I'm not a Soldier!
Screw this damn world and it's rules. Life is about seeing the underside of every rock, living every moment to it's full potential. It's so easy to get caught up in the midst of every little detailed problem, but all that really matters is love, beauty, and peace.
It's Going to Take More than Dreams
It's official people. I'm re-inspired. Not just in a musical way, but in a life-goal way. I don't know what all is going to happen yet, but I've just been honing in on how this all works. Regardless of what the future holds, it doesn't matter. What matters is that we all get off our lazy asses and do something about what we always talk about. I've been turning into that person I always loathe. That person that gives up on their passions and loses faith in believing that they can accomplish anything. Even beyond that, look around. Most people that have their dreams come true did not have them just handed to them. They worked unimaginably hard to make it to where they are. They dropped out of school, they spent all their money, they lost everything. Yet, they've followed their dreams. I guess I'm just sick of sitting back talking about it all. I'm done talking. I want to BE. I want to DO. I don't care what people tell me about my "skills." The reality is that I suck. I'm an amateur musician who has huge dreams, but it ends there. They're just dreams. I'm just realizing more than ever that it's not about dreams. Dreams are a distraction. They're good for hope, but horrible for execution. You can't focus on the future. You have to focus on the now, because until we get over ourselves and start trying, we're a whole bunch of nobody's with bullshit dreams.
I'm going to Belmont in the fall.
I'm going to better myself in my musical abilities.
I'm going to live life with eyes and ears wide open.
I'm going to expand my horizons.
I can't...No...I won't...be that guy on his deathbed thinking back on all the things that could have been. I'm going to give it my all. I'm going to not take no for an answer. I'm done talking about it. 'Cause I have no credentials to talk as if I have any sort of leverage when there are thousands of people that have gotten over themselves and are simply just doing instead of just wishing. I want to be one of them. I can't lose myself.