October 25, 2006
Capture me. Please.
Well, folks... I'm an idiot. Just wanted to get that out there. I've just been stupid lately, and I'm sorry if anyone's been affected by it. These past couple weeks, or maybe even months, I have not done like any devotions, and my life has suffered for it.
It's like, I'm wondering why I've been feeling down, grumpy, confused, or whatever! No wonder. I haven't been in touch with God. The bad thing is that I think I was enjoying it for awhile. I was enjoying being free to feel what I wanted, but thinking back on it now, it's like, whenever I have a period of time that I just let my mind do whatever, I end up focusing on things that get me down. I'll think about love or feeling sad, and then I'm grumpy for the rest of the day. That's just one example. I'm sick of that though. I'm sick of feeling alone. I'm sick of feeling "free."
I'm not saying that being in a relationship with God takes away our freedom, but the Bible says that we are to be captive to his love. He captures us. So---it's not that when I'm close to God, I can't feel certain ways...It is just that he has his arms wrapped around me constantly, protecting me from falling. And I don't know why I've been so blind to that lately. God offers his protection. He offers his love. He offers his wisdom. He offers his guidance. He offers his grace. He offers his mercy. He offers his hand to grab when you're on the ground...
for free....
Why on earth would I want to live any other way? Why would I not want to be close to him? Why do I constantly fail him by betraying his love for me? I'm sick of this, and I'm not going to live like this anymore. I'm going to win. I'm going to rise. I'm going to charge.
And Satan, you better stop trying to get me down. Yeah, I'm weak, and you have your ways, but God is on my side. He's now me. He's my life. He's my mind. He's my arms, my legs, my head. With God, I am new, and you have no power. In His name, get out of my way, snake.
You see, I don't know what it is, but I think one of the most captivating, enchanting thoughts is the picture of Jesus just being there for you. There are two main pictures that come to mind when I think of this.
One is that he is just standing there for all of life here on earth, and he has his arms just open. His expression isn't a smile; its not a frown; it's not good or bad. He's just there, arms open, like a dad awaiting his son's arrival. Waiting for his son to realize that he's a protector, a guide, an answer. I just get this image of looking up to him from the ground, after just falling, and running up to him and just embracing him and having a feeling so indescribably wonderful and secure.
Two is that I picture being on the ground, fallen, and feeling such a gentle yet firm touch on the shoulder, looking up, seeing Jesus, and he just lifts you up. You see, one of the biggest impressions I get of God is security. He offers us his security. I don't necessarily mean physical security, although its possible, but mostly emotional, mental, and spiritual security. When we're feeling down, lonely, and in darkness, He is THERE always!
Ahh... I just... I can't comprehend him. I can't grasp his wonder. This is why I don't know why I've been running from him these past few months. I don't know why I've been avoiding being with him. I've jipped myself of his beauty, his presence, his majesty. I've tripped myself.
Well, God, please forgive me. Please help me up from this fall. Just hold me. Wipe my tears away. Let me live for you, and I'm sorry for failing you yet again. You've done so much for me, and you've offered me a relationship with you.... for free. And what do I do? I accept it, yes, but I treat it like dirt. I constantly drop you and spit in your face. I am embarassed to even think of looking in your eyes. I don't deserve you at all. I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve your love. Yet, you give me a second chance... and a third and fourth and fifth. Why? Who knows if we can ever understand, but thank you, God. Those two words will never be enough, but thank you for being there for me. For punishing me. For being my Dad. I love you, and I ask that you would help me be strong. Help me be disciplined. Help me defeat the wiles of the devil. Help me persevere. Help me charge. Help me strike. Help me defeat.
But, God, over all.... Capture me. Please. Just capture me. ¶ 10:18:00 PM
It's like, I'm wondering why I've been feeling down, grumpy, confused, or whatever! No wonder. I haven't been in touch with God. The bad thing is that I think I was enjoying it for awhile. I was enjoying being free to feel what I wanted, but thinking back on it now, it's like, whenever I have a period of time that I just let my mind do whatever, I end up focusing on things that get me down. I'll think about love or feeling sad, and then I'm grumpy for the rest of the day. That's just one example. I'm sick of that though. I'm sick of feeling alone. I'm sick of feeling "free."
I'm not saying that being in a relationship with God takes away our freedom, but the Bible says that we are to be captive to his love. He captures us. So---it's not that when I'm close to God, I can't feel certain ways...It is just that he has his arms wrapped around me constantly, protecting me from falling. And I don't know why I've been so blind to that lately. God offers his protection. He offers his love. He offers his wisdom. He offers his guidance. He offers his grace. He offers his mercy. He offers his hand to grab when you're on the ground...
for free....
Why on earth would I want to live any other way? Why would I not want to be close to him? Why do I constantly fail him by betraying his love for me? I'm sick of this, and I'm not going to live like this anymore. I'm going to win. I'm going to rise. I'm going to charge.
And Satan, you better stop trying to get me down. Yeah, I'm weak, and you have your ways, but God is on my side. He's now me. He's my life. He's my mind. He's my arms, my legs, my head. With God, I am new, and you have no power. In His name, get out of my way, snake.
You see, I don't know what it is, but I think one of the most captivating, enchanting thoughts is the picture of Jesus just being there for you. There are two main pictures that come to mind when I think of this.
One is that he is just standing there for all of life here on earth, and he has his arms just open. His expression isn't a smile; its not a frown; it's not good or bad. He's just there, arms open, like a dad awaiting his son's arrival. Waiting for his son to realize that he's a protector, a guide, an answer. I just get this image of looking up to him from the ground, after just falling, and running up to him and just embracing him and having a feeling so indescribably wonderful and secure.
Two is that I picture being on the ground, fallen, and feeling such a gentle yet firm touch on the shoulder, looking up, seeing Jesus, and he just lifts you up. You see, one of the biggest impressions I get of God is security. He offers us his security. I don't necessarily mean physical security, although its possible, but mostly emotional, mental, and spiritual security. When we're feeling down, lonely, and in darkness, He is THERE always!
Ahh... I just... I can't comprehend him. I can't grasp his wonder. This is why I don't know why I've been running from him these past few months. I don't know why I've been avoiding being with him. I've jipped myself of his beauty, his presence, his majesty. I've tripped myself.
Well, God, please forgive me. Please help me up from this fall. Just hold me. Wipe my tears away. Let me live for you, and I'm sorry for failing you yet again. You've done so much for me, and you've offered me a relationship with you.... for free. And what do I do? I accept it, yes, but I treat it like dirt. I constantly drop you and spit in your face. I am embarassed to even think of looking in your eyes. I don't deserve you at all. I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve your love. Yet, you give me a second chance... and a third and fourth and fifth. Why? Who knows if we can ever understand, but thank you, God. Those two words will never be enough, but thank you for being there for me. For punishing me. For being my Dad. I love you, and I ask that you would help me be strong. Help me be disciplined. Help me defeat the wiles of the devil. Help me persevere. Help me charge. Help me strike. Help me defeat.
But, God, over all.... Capture me. Please. Just capture me. ¶ 10:18:00 PM
