sleep. just sleep it all away. escape. I know I've changed. The sad part is that I know that to a certain extent, I've been spiraling downward, though to me, it has seemed more so like every direction possible. People have told me that I've turned into a rock. I don't deny it. For months now... No... For years now, I've been dryer than a desert. The only change has been moving from faking happiness to accepting lostness. I can't see. I can't feel. I can't taste. I can't hear. I can't move. I've fallen, yet somehow I don't know in what direction, so I can't even get up, because what IS up now?

The only feeling I have is the utter chaos mentally of feeling this confused. In all honesty, and this sounds ridiculous, but it's true. In all honesty, I want to punch a wall. I want to punch seven walls. I want to scream louder than humanly possible, to shred my lungs! A tear fell from my eye tonight, just one. I can't even remember the last time I cried. I want everything and nothing. I want the left and the right. I want yes and no. I want maybe.

I want to feel. Anything.

God, what happened? What happened to me?  ¶ 11:53:00 PM